Shifra (via This Year’s Love)
how much I loved this dog…
and she broke my heart.
and tore open Judah’s ear. and made Israel tear open Judah’s leg.
I had to be medicated to let her go. to watch them take her back. I left her hot pink collar on her. she looked wonderful in pink.
Shifra Gormlaith Sadaf Blodwen
…a sweet little terror…
what I wouldn’t give to see her again. one time I thought I had—across the street at a Subway in Whiting…odd place, totally unlikely. I felt my heart ache and I convinced myself I was crazy—it wasn’t her, I know that, but still.
it was never that I loved her less. but I love Judah more. does that make sense?
I miss Shifra’s fur, soft and smooth as a sealskin pelt; I miss her liquid brown-grey eyes; I miss the way she wiggled frantically from head to toe at me.
she loved me more than Israel, but in a different way.
I remember in late June, after the first fight, taking her on a walk by myself. she needed no special collar, she walked by my side without asking. we went to the stadium of the high school a few blocks away. we raced up the steep stone steps and I sat for a while, staring out at the green grass and the black track looping around the field.
all the while with Shifra at my side, happy to have me to herself and I with her…I sang Coldplay’s “Lost?” in my head.
Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I would cross
Just because I’m hurting
Doesn’t mean I’m hurt
Doesn’t mean I didn’t get
What I deserved
No better and no worse
I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Ohhh and I’m…
Just waiting ‘til the shine wears off
You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn’t mean you’ve won
Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you’ll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ohhh and I’m…
Just waiting until the firing stopped
Ohhh and I’m…
Just waiting ‘til the shine wears off
