This calls for some toast.
Easily distracted, instead of hunkering down and transcribing more of the vampire’s book, I ended up cleaning my fish tank. Truly the fish deserved it and it was long overdue so I didn’t feel bad about once again abandoning Steve’s project. I don’t know what I offered to type out the book in the first place but here I am—70,000 words into it…can’t go back now. I’m not even a 1/3 of the way through. Yeah, I know. It’s pretty scary. Hopefully he’ll be sending me some of the money he owes me for gas from back in August/September. With the holidays and a modicum of social activity this winter (surely much more than usual for me which is next to nothing) I was not really home that often so there was little motivation or actual time to work on his book. Not to mention the money troubles, the dog troubles, etc. My life fell apart and kept crumbling every time I attempted to hold the pieces together. I’ve finally learned to just let go because there’s nothing I can do to change what’s going on.
I filed my federal tax return and will avoid the state returns until the last minute since I owe a little bit. I’m returning the rug tomorrow morning/later this morning (depending on how you look at it) and I have an extra $40 from some phone call appointments I did at work.
Work is miserable. Patty and I are kind of clinging to our little rock of sanity while the sharks of utter uselessness swim around us. It’s mind numbingly painful to have to deal with our bosses because they don’t know the first thing about how the store runs, ask stupid questions that really don’t need to be answered because it would take too long and it’s pointless considering an explanation is pretty useless in the first place. It’s a losing fight. It’s quite terrifying that these people have a business and have no common sense or business sense—all they care about is making money to put in their own pockets. This is why they will always fail—and have many times over. This is not their first fuck up, only one in a long line. When you don’t care about what you sell, who you employ or how you sell your product and only concern yourself with how much blow, beer and couture boots you can buy there’s a problem. That’s when customers start getting angry, when employees start dropping like flies, when business grinds to a near halt, when the phones stop ringing except for vendors demanding payment on past due invoices and when the State’s Attorney starts sending you registered letters and calling every day.
In March I will hopefully be the proud new mama of two boy rats. I’ve contacted a breeder and reserved a spot on a litter that was born last Friday. I’m in the process of rehoming my rabbits (no time, space, energy, plus Israel keeps trying to eat them and sooner or later they will become lunch) and if I had the money I would try to adopt this beautiful all white cat from the shelter that has blue eyes.
Otherwise since I’ve been spending so much time at home lately Israel has improved so much temperament wise—he used to be such a hellion, jumping on me, punching me in the stomach, knocking me in the face with his head. He’s sixty pounds of American Pit Bull Terrier—extremely dense muscle in a fairly small package. He packs a huge wallop—just stepping on my feet hurts a lot, he can knock me down, and if I decided to cuddle with him he would usually crush me. But now he knows I’m not going anywhere and I’ve been spending lots more time with him, so he’s almost scarily calm. For a while I actually wondered if I shouldn’t get him checked out because he was SO very different and sweet—was he sick? No, I realized it was the result of quality time. There is nothing sweeter than my boy Israel. I hefted him up into my arms tonight at my mom’s house and held him like a baby—not easy. But he loves being coddled like that as if he’s a lap dog (in his mind he is) and sighed contentedly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else interact with their dogs or vice versa the way my dogs and I do. We have something very special. I’ve never met a dog that loves his owner more than Israel loves me. It always warms my heart. And of course we can’t forget Judah—she and I have this unbreakable, amazing bond. She is my heart dog.
Simona is very sweet too but still it’s almost impossible to remember she even exists. I feel bad or saying it but it’s easy to forget her and to ignore her—she lacks presence and personality.
Anyway. I can’t believe it’s 2 AM! Where has the time gone?? I’ve been go go go since I got home…
Another day of work … and another pay check that is desperately needed. I have more bills to pay and less than $100 to my name. Not good.
