Snack free.
Yesterday was a horrible day as far as eating. I could not stop—even when I was absolutely not hungry. Normally I’m pretty good about eating only when I’m hungry—if I eat at all. It seems that with the warming of the weather my appetite almost disappears. But yesterday? I cringe thinking about all that I consumed. I never felt full but I was never hungry. As soon as I saw any piece of food I had to eat it even if I’d just eaten a few minutes before. Thankfully that seems to be gone today. Also: pomegranate martini + onion rings = delicious. I had three rum & cokes, two lemon drop shots and a pomtini in about two hours. I was pretty drunk. Not wasted, but definitely drunk. Should not have worn heels. I wanted to make macaroni when I got home—the last of any semblance of real food in my house (all that’s left is some american cheese, condiments and liquor and a can of tuna…plus baking supplies). Still drunk enough not to notice, I DUMPED seasoned salt into the macaroni (I season it myself with nutmeg, onion powder, some cayenne pepper and usually a dash of seasoned salt from Tastefully Simple) and it didn’t matter that I scooped a lot of it out—it was ruined. I could smell the salt in the hallway. I took a bite of it anyway and almost gagged—it went in the trash. I had already dumped what was let of the milk since it was a few days away from going bad. I’m surprised it lasted as long as it did… Instead I defrosted some homemade buttermilk biscuits, baked them up and consumed them slathered in apricot and raspberry preserves. I wanted to vomit this morning when I woke up. And so ended my gorgefest. I really don’t like eating a lot—I like eating foods—but do not enjoy large quantities. I hated eating yesterday but something made me eat everything in sight. I weighed over 300 pounds but not because I ate that much, I just never exercised and what I did eat, even in small portions, was never that great. I enjoy vegetables and fresh foods but rarely was that readily available living with my parents. Last summer I barely kept my fridge stocked with anything except frozen broccoli and brussels sprouts, a bowl of either would serve as my dinner. I didn’t eat a lot last year—I did cook but I shared it with the vampire at work. I missed the delivery of the Medifast I ordered. I quickly went on ups.com and cancelled the delivery and opted to just go to the shipping center. I picked it up on my way to work—it’s sitting on the front seat of my car. Today I start Medifast! I already was very good today—no choice really when the only food in the house is cheese and a can of tuna, not that that hasn’t sufficed before—by making up some of the chocolate pudding I already had from when my younger sister tried the diet last September for, like, two days. My mom has no motivation to help my younger sister lose weight. Nor does my dad. They consider walking around Costco exercise…and then they go to the food court. Fat asses. Tonight I must exercise (no time yesterday!) and I’m stopping at Aldis to pick up the lean & green portion of my diet…I’ll have to shop every week for that so the food doesn’t spoil. I will say that I always have meat in my fridge but it’s usually inedible…like the pork kidneys & hearts, the deer meat still covered in bits of fur and soaked in blood. Dog food! Judah was a royal bitch today and snapped at Spokane because there was a chicken thigh on the floor where the cat eats—it was blocked off by the baby gate. I fed her a leg yesterday but Judah managed to knock the gate down to get to it—normally Judah will not be so stupid. But Miss Attitude didn’t like the cat looking at the chicken at the same time she was and snarled at her—then grabbed her with her mouth rather viciously. I dragged Judah’s ass to the kennel and locked her up despite her protesting barks and whining while I took a shower. Israel and Simona were allowed to roam freely. Even after I got out of the shower she remained in the kennel as punishment. I just don’t like the attitude from her when she gets away with bloody murder to begin with. (She earns it but still!) So today is the official start of my Medifast diet. I’m super excited! I’m a picky eater—but it’s just I don’t like a lot of flavors combined. So the shakes, while rather “fibery” tasting, are good. The pudding is perhaps a little grittier than regular pudding but it’s good. The chicken noodle soup I tried smells good which effects taste tremendously (80% of taste is influenced by smell) so I found it rather enjoyable. I hand picked everything I ordered because there are some flavors I wuoldn’t like regardless so I think I’ll be happy with what I did order. I am curious about the scrambled egg substitute…I’ll try that today! It’s rather thrilling to consider losing 20 pounds in a few weeks. I’ve finally gotten used to how I look now versus before and that took almost a year. Losing more weight is going to be another stress on my already fragile state of mind. Oh yeah, speaking of vanity—I need to make an eye exam appointment and reschedule my dentist appointment. And I really should get back to “work”….
