you are beautiful.
there are several varieties of Hostess cookies in the comptroller’s office. the packages are conveniently located on the cabinet beside the mini fridge and microwave—both of which I use for my lunch. I don’t even like the cookies that much—ones I bake are a million times better. but it’s still a freakin’ cookie and I. want. that. damn. hell. cookie. there are also twinkies and ho-ho’s. I am not a twinkie fan but the ho-ho…my eyes just fluttered closed as my mouth filled with involuntary saliva just anticipating the … no, stop there, before you scream.
it’s really not even the cookie so much as needed to eat something. anything. if there was a salad I would eat that instead. it’s been almost three hours since I ate lunch. when so far you’ve consumed 300 calories in the day, that is a long time. tonight I will enjoy a large salad because the lettuce is going bad at 2 cups of salad equals 20 calories. I burn that typing the vampire’s book.
I hate feeling as if the diet isn’t working when I’ve been on it for six days. I expect and anticipate the whole universe to change when I wake up now and look in the mirror. Voila! Magic! You are a size 5 and the vampire is waiting in bed for you! yes, I did just say that.
so now I’m sipping on some water which is helping a lot more than I thought. the workouts are working—I feel a lot stronger and I know that tonight it will be much easier to do the moves that yesterday and the day before were nearly impossible. I think I’m also coming to the realization that I don’t have to drop the weight quickly. so what if it takes a year? it’s not as if during that year I’ll still be as fat as I was. my whole way of thinking and perceiving just has to change if this is going to work. it’s not instant. it’s not easy. it’s different, challenging, and ultimately it does pay out huge rewards.
I might LOOK the same as I did when I started three weeks ago, but by God, I don’t FEEL the same. and every day that I get through this and try my best the closer that I am to the slutty hot pink mini dress, white studded gladiator platform heels and a belly ring with a rhinestone encrusted Playboy bunny charm dangling from it. and yes, I did just say that, too.
