We’ll get Chinese.
A coworker ordered Chinese. It’s been at least three months since I ordered the lunch special involving shrimp fried rice, fried shrimp and crab rangoon. CRAB RANGOON. My heart aches at the thought of this not being in my BELLY RIGHT NOW. Instead I noshed on Kashi cereal and patted myself on the back because yesterday I walked 2.5 miles and I shredded this morning. I can smell the Chinese food across the showroom. Blessed baby Zeus… I felt horrible yesterday even though I ate every few hours, I wasn’t eating enough. I had a big salad, but that doesn’t have a lot of calories. I had vegetable soup but I made it from scratch and it has beans and vegetables in it—not many calories. I had cereal and goat’s milk in the morning. But the headache and depression that hit me before I left work told me right away that I didn’t eat enough. I had a sensible dinner at my parents after walking there in under an hour. The dogs needed the walk as much as I did. It really helped heal my sore quads. I’ve never really had that kind of intense soreness in my legs before, then again I’ve never worked out as much as I have, or at such an intensity for so many days. I want to start shredding in the morning and evening. It’s harder to do it at night if I haven’t already worked out, but I have more energy and stamina in the evening if I’ve worked out in the morning. That and a walk with the dogs…now that the weather has turned warm I think I’ll do both—shred in the morning, walk in the evening a few miles. The dinner I had was a modge podge meal—mixed frozen veggies (ugh, lima beans and green beans, corn, peas, carrots, GROSS but I forced it down), a piece of baked chicken, a slice of French bread, and a small serving of pasta with spaghetti sauce. I need more dark leafy greens, I need more fruit. Definitely need to find a way to work grains into my diet. There I am telling my mom, who was a missionary in Ecuador, “Have you ever heard of the grain that’s popular in South America — I don’t even want to try to pronounce it because I’ll sound stupid — but it starts with a ‘Q’—” Anamarie, my younger sister, leans forward and says, “Quinoa?” I gaped at her and asked, “How did you know?” In a sing-song voice she replies, “Nutrition and wweeelllnneesss.” I talked about wanting to cook with more grains and my dad just shrugs and says it’s not worth it, he doesn’t like grains. He takes a plate with a chicken leg and thigh on it with three big slices of bread slathered in margarine down into the basement to watch TV while he eats. “And that’s why you’re fat and you have the diabeetus,” I said with a shake of my head. This is why it was impossible to try to lose weight and eat better living with them—the mere mention of anything not processed or filled with sugar and carbs and starch and no nutritional value was given an eye roll and a guffaw, shot down for being trendy and weird. Organic is a four-letter word to my dad. He sees absolutely no merit in organic foods. Yes, more expensive, but we ingest SO many toxins and pesticides. Feeding my dogs naturally, reading so much about the chemical and poisons we willingly dump on and in them, I was disgusted with the bags of kibble I fed, the preventatives I overdosed them on, the vaccinations I was blind enough to inject them with in hopes of making them healthy—when in fact I was doing the opposite. The dogs wouldn’t stand a chance in hell of being healthy or even a fighting chance if I did everything the vet told me, if I didn’t research and read everything I could get my hands on, if I didn’t ask, “But WHY?” Where was I?? If I can do that for my dogs, I need to do it for myself. The slice of pizza I’m eating right now doesn’t count.
